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Ghosted: Now you See Me, Now You Don’t

Number one topic discussed in session: relationships! Whether in a relationship or not, this is a hot topic of conversation and it can get “complicated”. The fear of being ghosted can cause us to build emotional defenses pushing us into ghosting habits. Break ups are difficult, but ghosting (having someone that you believe cares about you, whether it be a friend or someone you are dating, disappear from contact without any explanation at all) can be even more painful. According to @psychologytoday, a recent study revealed that 80% of millennials have been ghosted. So, how does this looming fear affect our dating behaviors?

If you are single, you’re probably swiping! Apps like Tinder, Bumble, Grinder etc. allow us to swipe through hundreds of profiles a day. However, this surplus of profiles can make us immune to personal connection and feel as though we are “shopping” through potential partners. Quickly swiping, left or right, based on the few top attributes we believe we want for our dream date. If we begin to look at dating as a shopping experience, we go into the relationship with an idea of a refund policy-if this first date does not go as expected or they do not meet expectations there are many more profiles to choose from. This emotionally defensive idea, allows us to slip into the actions of ghosting and return to swiping. It makes us believe that at the first strike we can return to the app and try again. However, with this, we loose the idea that relationships are not always easy and do require work in order to build connection, vulnerability, and happiness. Unfortunately, no one is perfect.

For many millennials, the uncertainties in dating are scary. Social rejection actives the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain. The necessary risks in the quest to a substantial and successful relationship, can outweigh your fears and be worth the risk! The important thing to remember is that when someone ghosts you, it says nothing about you or your worthiness for love and everything about the person doing the ghosting. Don’t allow someone else’s poor behavior rob you of a better future by losing your vulnerability and shutting yourself off from a relationship.

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